party hard

ohmy_embo @ 2009-12-14T08:25:00

2009-12-14T13:25:08Z

what do i do?

ohmy_embo @ 2009-06-13T12:01:00

2009-06-13T16:01:38Z

…What I’m trying to say is I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.

ohmy_embo @ 2009-03-01T14:10:00

2009-03-01T19:11:11Z

i wish these feelings would go away.
=[

but what does it mean if they are still there??

ohmy_embo @ 2008-12-19T04:08:00

2008-12-19T09:09:56Z

typical jack and jill story.

they climbed up the hill and soon came tumbling down.

well i feel i just fell off of my hill.
tumble tumble tumble.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-12-15T22:34:00

2008-12-16T03:35:21Z

i am so ridiculously happy.

ive missed this feeling. i have my life back and for the first time in a long time I'M in charge.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-12-09T06:45:00

2008-12-09T11:46:22Z

well i didnt have to quit.
got fired instead.

its probably a blessing in disguise.
i wouldve never had the balls to quit.
and they have been treating me like shit for some time now.
im better than that place and filling out waivers.
i know ill go farther in life than all of them there.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-12-07T23:10:00

2008-12-08T04:10:53Z

i need to stop putting so much into people.
all i want is a big hug right now.

all i have been worried about is my stupid finals. goodness how i really dislike school at the moment. im happy this is the last week of school. ive seriously been on loopy pills or something. ive been really out of it lately, no idea why. i just cant seemed to focus. my brain is always off in a million places. i keep getting in trouble at work. so over that. ive seriously always been such a hard worker, my whole family has, and they just cant appreciate it. oh well. my future school stuff requires me to get internships, so ill be gone soon anyways. hopefully doing internships out of state. =]

going to busch gardens saturday with jesse =] followed by a "party" thing @ work. we are doing secret santa and basketball.

but friday im hanging out with abby!!! ive missed her so much. so good times following finals.

and my coworker keeps talking about chicago. i guess the guys that live up there are coming down this week as well? and they are gonna have a party and i get to meet them. cooool. we are talking about going there sometime next jan or feb. should be interesting.

also, i was thinking about making ANOTHER trip to new york to visit my other friend. i love new york.
i was thinking about living there to do my three month internship i have to do for one of my 3 internship assignments. mayyy beeee,

i need to sleep. goodnight.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-12-03T21:17:00

2008-12-04T02:20:37Z

today i saw two people that were dating while in high school at walmart.
they must have graduated a year or two before me.
well they had a baby.
and i wondered in the like two seconds i looked at them to see how much they have changed,
are they happy?
did they plan that baby?
do they ever wish there lives were different?
and then i think,
is that what im suppose to be doing in two years?

im so afraid of commitment, i wont even TELL a guy i like him in fear of him asking me out.
wtf is wrong with me.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-11-29T07:51:00

2008-11-29T12:53:57Z

yesterday i woke up @ 5 am and went shoppin with jilli. =] it was cute. we seriously spent the whole day together.
she stayed and watched my lame speeches.
and ate my 2nd thanksgiving.
=]
and then next friday we are going to both universal parks with my bro and his girlfriend.
EEE =] i am so excited.

things are amazing.
i finished my speeches pretty much, just have to touch them up and submit them.
then only one poster, one worksheet, and one 500 word essay to write, AND IM PRETTY MUCH DONE.

i am so excited. and happy.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-11-26T22:13:00

2008-11-27T03:23:09Z

my brain is numb from not using it all day.
i mean, ive been doing homework but i take breaks by watching tv. it hurts my brain. i hate tv. i went on a bike ride today. it felt amazing. perfect temperature.

brandon is back in town. i guess akeem lives in my neighborhood now and i didnt even know it? and the rumor is that i live in an apartment in downtown orlando? haha thats a pretty sweet rumor for people to think about me.

im happy, this break has given me a lot of time to think about a lot of things.

thanksgiving tomorrow- going to daytona to see the rest of the family. friday me and jilli are gonna tear up the stores =], finished by thanksgiving number 2 @ my house and i give my lame speeches. im excited.

here i sit bloggin, with my kitty in my lap. shes so cute. shes my favorite thing in the world right now.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-11-23T10:55:00

2008-11-23T15:56:29Z

you are starting to be the one thing i think about everyday.

and im scared.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-11-10T19:58:00

2008-11-11T01:01:17Z

i feel way better than ive felt in a long time.
i have been biking everyday. sitting out in the sun. eating healthy foods.
i seriously have not bought fast food in like 4-5 days or a week? idk but its a record for me. i was eating that shit everyday. i wake up not tired.
im getting my school work done, and im really not that bummed that i missed some things. =/
i kinda wish i could go out tonight but i havea huge test tomorrow, so no.

plus a new cute boy got hired at work.
even though im pretty sure im quitting after christmas.
thats stilll almost two months.
alright well,
im gonna go watch gossip girl. yey.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-11-08T20:56:00

2008-11-09T01:59:36Z

ive been trying not to eat dairy. thats shits way bad for you.
think about it, you are drinking a cows breast milk, shit that has been pumped with hormones and chemicals on top of the hormones the cow already puts into it, on top of disease the cow can have on top of the shit the cow eats.
yummmmm? more like death in a bottle.

went on a 32 mile bike ride. i feel wonderful about it.

i need to get a lot of school work done. i have two months left, time to kick it into gear when all i want to do is get loose.

i need to go buy a whole new wardrobe.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-10-12T13:54:00

2008-10-12T18:05:05Z

so much i feel like bait.
i feel like im used for guys to get other girls, because it seems any guy im talking to, girls just swarm when there were no girls there before.
i dont know how else to explain it or if that even makes sense? its always been like that.

and i hate hearing about him,
stop bringing him up to me. its not a good conversation starter.
especialy when you show me some lame text message that you think i care to see?
i dont care. honestly. i dont. and by you thinking i wanted to see that it implies that you think i still do care, and your just trying to hurt me, and thats shitty. and then when i try to talk to you about it maturely, and just let you know i dont want to be shown anything like that again, you make it about yourself.
ugh stupid.

idk if i want to hang out with some people anymore.
idk what to do.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-10-07T23:18:00

2008-10-08T03:20:06Z

i have become terrible at trying to balance my life.

i dont know if i sufer defeat and move back home? which get my parents 400 extra more bucks a month because they can rent out my room?

or do i suck it up, stay here, and try?

i hate ucf. its such a non warm place.
my parents house is in such a warm neighborhood filled with trees and prettyness.
its closer to people, but farther from work and school.

idk what to do.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-10-06T17:16:00

2008-10-06T21:16:43Z

i have given up on guys in orlando, or lack there of.
seems as everyone in this town is connected some way or another. how uninteresting.
i think thats why i love big cities so much,
so many people, so many new faces all the time. endless possibilities, endlss new experiences.

here, it feels as the same ole same ole everyday.
same old I4.
same old rain.
same old drama, different day.
i seriously drive different ways to where i need to go all the time, thats why i know so many backroads. i like to get myself lost, jsut so i experience something new.
thats how much i dislike redundantness.

it seems you never really meet someone new here.
its like, you do meet new people, but usually you have heard about them before, or they know someone you know. there is a connection somehow.

my solution to this problem,
TRAVEL.
pack my bags. grab a few friends, and just go.

i want to meet new people, new faces, new ways of thinking, just NEW.

i put this on my buzznet too. cuz im a dork. but whatever.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-09-16T10:58:00

2008-09-16T15:06:08Z

the past few days have been the craziest of my life.

had a party for chantal at my house, a fight broke out, this guy got cut with beer bottles, he called the cops and kept threatening he was gonna bring his friends back to my house even after i explained to him i was the only one that lived there and no one involved did. he didnt care, he just kept saying then i was fucked and i fucked up when i didnt even do anything, now im just hoping he doesnt come back to my house.

had to call out of work, my work was pissed, now im hoping i dont get fired. ugh.

last night went downtown with chantal to celebrate her actual birthday, ( i never go downtown mostly because of ryan and the people that know ryan always treat me like shit.) which, it was no surprise that i go to the bathroom and that girl bumps into me, saying "excuse me". cool.
then we were all dancing ( they made me dance) and another fight breaks out between the people i was with and the people he was with.
i end up getting punched in the face by ryan.
everyone is freaking out we go outside and bekcy just starts wailing on one of ryans friends so i was trying to stop her,
then chantal starts yelling so much at ryan and gets a cop to go get him.
i told her i didnt want to press charges because i just wanted to be done with the whole thing. i dont want to have to deal with him or anyone anymore,
two of ryans friends stayed with my for some reason, but they were really nice, and i kept telling them i was sorry for what happened.

idk i didnt even go to class today.
my life is so disfunctional right now.
i want to scream. =[
and my neck is killing me.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-09-01T15:37:00

2008-09-01T19:41:39Z

i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
i really dont.
why am i so indecisive. why cant i make up my mind. why cant someone keep me interested for a long period of time. why am i so picky, i have no reason to be.
why do i even waste my time wondering these questions.
why do i think i have it so much tougher than most, i probably dont.
why why why.

im upset at myself. for not being able to like someone longer than a week.
for caring when other people talk shit about me ( i think talking shit is for dumb jealous people. dont bring me up in your conversations if all you want to do is talk negatively, i gaurantee you can do something better with your time, and if you cant, then sorry your life sucks so much.)

i want to sit down, and tell one person all my troubles. all of them.
i wonder if anyone would want to listen. i dont think so. i dont think a person like that exists, and if they do, they are rare.
i think my problem is, i dont really feel i have a "best" friend anymore. i think everyone is just so caught up in their own lives. maybe thats a part of growing up? not having a "best" friend anymore? idk i need a best friend. someone i can feel i can tell anything to without sounding stupid or being judged. i dont think i feel that with anyone. i hold my tongue with everyone, one way or another. =/

yikes@things.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-08-29T23:09:00

2008-08-30T03:15:22Z

life is slowly putting itself back together. i am relieved. =]
i need to clean my room real bad which is what im doing tonight.
then work tomorrow.

so i am taking speech online, and i had to film my first speech with the help of sabrina.
sweeet.

laugh. i did.

also, weirdly,
its weird that ryans videos are under "related videos" when i play a video of mine on youtube.
how are they related?
idk, i thought that was interesting.

anyways, so ya hung out with sabrina today. she says im a "homewrecker" haha but wtf? no im not.
you have to be a slut to be a homewrecker, and be someone that does not care about the girl a guy is going out with, and im totally not that girl. i will never be that girl that does anything with another girls guy, NEVER.
i am a strong believer in karma. very strong.
and karma always fixes itself. and that philosophy has never steered me wrong.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-08-27T15:39:00

2008-08-27T19:39:58Z

i left buzznet because no one i knew was on it,
and i like reading peoples blogs.

so wow. i went back and looked at a lot of old posts today. it makes me wonder how i really was back then. was i right or wrong in my relationship? was a really being shitty to him even though he was so shitty to me?
idk. but ican tell you one thing, i was really imature back then, but i am glad i wrote about it, so i can go back and read it.

i hardly have pictures or anything from new york, but heres what i have.

thompkins park.

john stowe.

mike and jimmy.

yikes

whose that?

videos to be posted later.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-08-06T00:40:00

2008-08-06T04:40:45Z

i got a buzznet,
im leaving livejournal.

come join me??

http://embo.buzznet.com/user/main/

ohmy_embo @ 2008-07-31T03:01:00

2008-07-31T07:01:27Z

its so close i can almost taste it.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-07-29T22:29:00

2008-07-30T02:29:35Z

im pissed.
i hate when people act shitty to me when i dont have time to hang out,
im sorry that when i come home i like to be alone, because that is the ONLY time i get to be by myself.
then u go and fuck up my flamingos in my yard?
fuckin lame.
grow up.

and sorry that all that i have been doing is work and school and in my spare time trying to relax,
i told u we would hang out today,
and then u text and tell me that u are at a bar drinking? and i explain to you, i dont go to bars nor drink?
so u tell me to get over myself and then we can hang out???
seriously??
fuck.

whatever.
sorry i have a busy schedule. and sorry you guys are dicks.
fuck guys.
and my girlie left me for 8 days. =[

whatever.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-07-24T00:03:00

2008-07-24T04:03:33Z

i was talking to my boss today,
he is like my second father.

he was talking about how guys never grow up,
no matter how much girls want them to grow up.
thats what i envy about guys, i dont want to grow up either.
i want to be the same reckless, living for the fun in life person forever.
and i want whoever im with to be the same.

forget old souls,
its all about the young ones.

ohmy_embo @ 2008-07-23T22:38:00

2008-07-24T02:38:34Z

so, i think im back in the game?

awesome. =]